I Lean Not on My Own Understanding

I think if I were to ever write a book about my life, that would be the title. Yeah Proverbs 3:5-6 is a coffee cup verse: it's everywhere, and everyone knows it; but unfortunately I think that seeing it all the time lessens the meaning of it. There's a reason it's on every coffee cup and inspirational Christian poster. It's because as humans we have no idea what the heck we're doing in life even if we pretend (or even convince ourselves through pride) that we do. The truth is that we know very little, and God knows very much, and we need to trust in His understanding and not our own. How massively powerful is that?

Victory! (More to come on this later)

If I were to lean on my own understanding right now, I might say to myself, "I've only done maybe 100 hours of nursing this year. I'm halfway through my 2 year commitment and I haven't sailed anywhere. I hate Microsoft excel, what am I still doing here?" Trust me, I've said these things to myself a lot. But the Lord keeps bringing me back to Him saying "Do you trust me?" 

I've been holding onto all these burdens. I had this image a few weeks ago of climbing one of the mountains back home, and many of you know the feeling of hiking up a peak and experiencing the exhilaration of making it there, and looking out over all the ground you've conquered. God calls us to take the difficult road. It's winding and steep and there's lots of rocks and obstacles. It's really really tough, but honestly it's way more exciting I think everyone would agree it beats walking around the block over and over. 

God promises that the road he takes you on won't be easy, but He also promises to carry the load for us. It's like we're climbing Mount Everest and God is our Sherpa. Imagine climbing Mount Everest and a Sherpa is like, here I'll take all your stuff for you, no charge; and you say no?? "Actually, I quite like holding onto this fifty-kilo bag of disappointment, anxiety, bitterness and fear." 

God WANTS to carry these things for us, so that we can have more energy to focus on the trail! Yeah sometimes I don't even want to look at the goal, and it's just step by step, seeming like it'll never end, but at least I don't have to pack my baggage up with me. 

Driving Lessons!

This is what God has been teaching me in the past few weeks. I have been packing this load up this mountain; particularly my nursing. Or lack-thereof. I came to PNG to do nursing care, and this year has been pretty non-nursing. But the Lord told me just tonight as I'm writing this, that I need to lay this at his feet, trusting that He will pick it back up when the time is right. He didn't give me this passion for health and teaching without a reason; He literally had two separate people anoint my hands in confirmation of his calling of my profession on my life. He won't let it go to waste.

We had 9 (literal) tons of waste oil that needed to be removed

This is a season of learning to trust Him deeper, and to become more and more obedient. It has been super difficult, but I'd say I turned a corner a few weeks ago, and emotionally/spiritually I've been doing a lot better. The fact that my 3 weeks of persistent diarrhoea finally cleared up helps too. TMI? Sorry. 

We spent 6 months trying to coordinate pickup for it

But actually, one of the biggest turning points was God bringing me back to a truth that I had found myself trying to run from: That he has called me to PNG, and specifically has called me to YWAM Ships. With all the circumstances, I had been looking for a way out and different opportunities, even trying to conjure up a passion for something similar but not here. God was like "Ashley, what are you doing? You know this is where your heart is, and this is where I've called you. You want to be here." 

It seems small, but this was a HUGE win!

Once I accepted this, I felt so much peace and certainty. So even though the circumstances kinda suck, I know I'm exactly where God wants me. 

 I have been so blessed by those of you who have checked in over the past week to encourage my heart. It has made me feel so full and loved. It has reminded me of God's love for me and has really boosted my faith and conviction for what God is already teaching me. God is so good! I am so grateful for each and every one of you who have made it to the bottom of this post, and I hope that it has blessed your heart as much as you have blessed mine. 

Specific Prayer Needs: 

- We are trying to get our crank shaft released from customs....it's been stuck there for two months now! Please pray for the approval of paperwork for that!

- We are trying to get our chief engineer into the country so he can work on the engines, and also help with us potentially getting the ship into dry dock....please pray for travel barriers to be broken down!

- We are trying to get the ship into dry dock! This relies mostly on finances... please pray that the finances for the job will come through so we can get this 5 year maintenance survey done!

- Discernment for me..... I'm waiting and praying about coming back to Canada in August. Please pray that God would provide confirmation for me, and for affordable flights and to be able to get back!